would sub on v-ball
tonight at 615. Should be
home around 730. Love
you, maybe we can rent a
movie.
Holding my phone.
The txt springs tears that I didn't know were bubbling.
New mom has them in full supply.
"Lovely" I want to type. But don't.
I want to write things about selfishness
about responsibility.
I want to be a complete ass snob,
writing "Sure a movie is all I want from life"
but instead of send I click backspace. backspace. backspace.
I am sad that I'm not going to book club tonight.
I am sad that I didn't mention it yesterday.
I am sad that I'm not going to my friend's graduation tomorrow.
but most of all I am sad that I decided not to mention these things-
because I wanted to be home with my new little family.
The trouble is I wouldn't rather be at bookclub than home with you.
But I would rather be at bookclub than home alone. again.
I wish you wanted to be home.
I know you do.
I know you're caring.
I know you love us.
I know I won't say anything, because I want you to want to be home.
I want to keep this relationship happy--after all it's the only adult convo I'll have today.
And the only one I'll have tomorrow.
It's just hard when all these hormones make me need a little more convincing.
And hard when my whole day is spent waiting for you to come home.
