cold coffee

My grandpa used to drink cold coffee in the afternoon--at least that's what somebody told me. A warm pot in the morning, cold on ice after lunch.

He was a big man in my memory, and I'm not sure how much I'm piecing together from pictures, and how much is real. I was only nine when he died.

But I do remember Key overalls with Kodiak chew in the front pocket. . . and in his lip. His shock white comb-over would blow up like a gusting flag in the breeze and then settle back down all in one piece. When he would come in the house and take off his tall mesh-backed John-Deere hat, his hair would flop out crazy like Doc's on Back to the Future. Grandpa's one-handed quick smooth over assured him it somehow looked better. It didn't, not really.

I wish I could remember more.

One memory has clear colors. It was in the early morning, and stood the bottom of the stairs with a window at my right hand side. I bounced down the stairs that morning never thinking--

Mom said he died the night before. Next I'm sitting on the counter at my grandma's house in town. Dad comes in and hugs me, crying--only one of two times that I can remember. Maybe he has more, but I only know two for sure. I wonder how hard it is to lose your parent. I wonder how you go on when everything has to be so rough-edged. I wonder if Dad thinks he's like his dad. Does he miss him? What were they like together when Dad was little? I wonder. Were they friends, or was it more--I'm the parent, you're the kid. I wonder if Grandpa had the same scarred, thick hands.

I only see glimpses of this man who was my Grandpa. I can't really say I knew him enough to know him now. Once I met an old guy in Auburn who drove an old white pick-up with wood boards in truck bed. He put it together who my grandpa was, and he looked off a little and smiled. "Ole Elmer," he said, "Elmer was a good 'ole boy. He'd come in to town and play cards 'purt near every day. . . Elmer was a good 'ole boy."

I don't know a whole lot about this man, but I like cold coffee too. Ralph and I haven't played cards in awhile. Maybe we should.